Best of luck

From: ********
Subject: digital connection
Sent Date: 10/22/2009 12:05:00 AM

Hi there- just stumbled across your profile, and it stopped me in my tracks….awesome profile, and your pics are makin it hard for me to concentrate:)…I wish my secretary looked like you.

From: *******
Subject: RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 7:04:31 PM

You seem interesting but you look eerily similar to my ex-boyfriend. Would you be willing to change your appearance if we were to date?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 8:05:00 AM

haa…no worries my appearance is always changing. if we were dating and a certain look was too eerie, then yeah, i’d switch it up. though maybe eventually, you’d see i was so unlike your ex that even when i looked like him it wouldnt make u think of him.

which pic does he resemble? where are u from originally?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 8:14:40 PM

Seattle.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 11:52:51 PM

how long u been in sf? actually i have lots of questions i want to ask you…

…maybe it would be easier if we met up for a drink…

interested?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:10:20 AM

oh no…where did you go? Did I request to meet up too soon? Do you still feel I look too much like your ex?

you cant go by pictures…theyre only 2 dimensions

I don’t know..for some reason when I read your profile, I get a sense of comfort and connection…its hard to explain…It be cool to keep talking to see where it goes.

If I’m annoying you at this point just say so and I’ll go away.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 6:09:49 PM

Truthfully, yes… your resemblance to my ex is quite bothersome. I’ve had more then a few sleepless nights struggling over whether we should date or not. The good news is, I think I’ve come up with a solution.

If you can shave your head, your beard, lose 60 pounds in the next 60 days, tan regularly (4-6 times a week), and speak with a Indian accent… I think that will completely remove any thought of my ex… and I can start this relationship fresh… with a clean mental slate.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 11:10:20 PM

wow that’s asking a lot, i can shave and tan but i think i would sound pretty silly with a Indian accent, and there is now I can lose that much weight that fast.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:30:40 AM

Oooo… that’s gonna make it tough… I really need all 5 things to make this work.

Losing 60 pounds in 60 days can sound intimidating… I know. I used to have an extra 150 pounds on this frame… until 2 years ago… on a trip to Tanzania… I meet a very sweet street vendor named Henry, who sold me tapeworms. Since then… my life has never been the same. I lost 150 pounds in 3 months.

Although I’ll admit, there is 1 drawback… getting them out can be a little tricky. First, you’ll need to enlist the help of a close friend or family member. Second, you’ll need some fresh milk and cookies, and a hammer. Next, you’ll need to put the cookies and milk next to your bare hind end for 1 hour (give or take a few minutes). Your helper will need to keep a close eye on your bare end during this time with a hammer in hand for when the tapeworm emerges. Once the tapeworm makes a move for the milk and cookies… it’s imperative your helper smash it to death!

I have 1 tapeworm left that I’d be more then happy to give to you when we go out… speaking of which, when are we going out? I’m not very picky… I’m sure any bar or restaurant you choose will be fine :)

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 3:27:36 PM

no offense but that sounds a bit crazy. i’m glad it worked for you but I don’t think it’s right for me.

how about dinner next saturday?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 7:14:25 PM

No tapeworm no date.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:02:20 PM

i think I’m been very accommodating to your other requests and that if went out you would see I’m nothing like your ex.

i hope you would reconsider, here is my phone number, xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:14:40 PM

Ok, I’ve reconsidered, let’s go out… but before we do it’s a must you shave your head and beard… and while your at it… your chest, legs, armpits… and man yard.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:02:20 PM

i’ll shave tonight :)

how does dinner saturday sound?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 5:34:12 PM

haven’t heard from you in a few days, are we on for saturday? give me a call xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 8:45:36 PM

Hi… sorry, it’s been a busy this week, have you shaved yet?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 9:10:56 PM

yup shaved clean :)

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 10:19:38 PM

Oh geez… I’m really sorry but my ex and I worked things out last night. He apologized for cheating on me, stealing from me, lying about the disease he gave me and the number of kids he has, so I decided to give him a second chance. Best of luck!

Best of luck, 4.9 out of 5 based on 67 ratings 6 Comments »

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