What happens when a 28 year old guy makes a profile of a hot girl on a free dating site? A bunch of this...

I give up

From: ********
Subject: Hey.
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 9:01:09 PM

boy How was your day? My name is Reggie just moved down to train for the upcoming olympics.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 9:27:09 PM

girl The Olympics wow! What a coincidence… I’m training for the Olympics too… well not the Olympics Olympics… the Special Olympics.

What’s your event?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 11:44:33 PM

boy That’s great to hear. I’ve ran the 400m and 800m but will be running the 800m. How about you?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 11:24:19 AM

girl 15 meter walk and tennis ball toss.

I’m feeling pretty good about the 15 meter walk…. it’s the tennis ball toss that’s got me concerned… apparently there is some Chinese prodigy who can throw a tennis ball the length of a football field. I haven’t seen video to confirm this… but with all the talk in the Special Olympics community… I have to assume it’s true.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 12:20:23 AM

boy Be confident and train hard. You’ll do fine. How was your week?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 1:04:39 PM

girl I’ve had better… Thursday I got notice that I’m under investigation for steroid use.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 2:40:53 PM

boy I am sorry to hear that. I have been through it a lot so don’t worry about it you will be fine. Take care of yourself and make sure you keep drinking a lot of fluids. If they keep bothering about steroids tell them you are clean.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 3:25:07 PM

girl I wish it was that easy… but I’m not clean. I’ve been using for the last 6 months. It’s that Chinese girl… ever since I heard about her, I’ve been shooting up everyday… sometimes twice a day.

I’ve got to say… I’m not too concerned. I’ve been taking the best stuff on the market. Barry Bonds trainer told me there’s a 99.9% chance they won’t be able to find anything…. and worst case scenerio… if they do find something… my lawyer said that if I get a character witness… someone who will testiy under oath, that the steroids are for my disability and not to enhance performance… that they would let me compete. I know it’s early in our relationship… but will you testify in federal court that I’m not taking steroids for a competitive edge?

PS- Of course I don’t expect you to do this for nothing… I’m willing to split all my endorsement money with you 50/50.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 3:40:23 PM

boy That’s asking a lot. I don’t even know you. I don’t even know what your disability is. This is a little too much for me.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 3:42:39 PM

girl Well let’s take care of your concerns… let’s get together for dinner so we can start getting to know each other better…. and regarding my disability… I have an overbite.

Does dinner tomorrow night sound good?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 4:23:45 PM

boy Sure. Call me and we can figure out the details. xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 4:29:18 PM

girl I give up.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 4:34:15 PM

boy Give up, what do you mean.

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Rating: 4.6/5 (45 votes cast)
I give up4.6545 4 Comments »

4 Comments on “I give up”

  1. 1 Dani said at 8:34 am on October 27th, 2009:

    Dang, he is tenacious. Funny stuff!

  2. 2 Robinski said at 6:31 am on October 30th, 2009:

    Think this is the best one yet :D

  3. 3 Michelle said at 12:35 am on December 29th, 2009:

    Wow,even if you say something like,”I’m taking steroids for the special olympics,I have an overbite and I just killed a man” the guy will still say,”Sure,call me!” just because the person in the picture is attractive. I bet if it had been a picture of a decent girl that wasn’t ugly but not beautiful,the guy would have either not bothered in the first place or had lost interest quick.

  4. 4 Shelly said at 8:22 pm on January 11th, 2010:

    Please write more of these. They are hilarious!!


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