Best of luck

From: ********
Subject: digital connection
Sent Date: 10/22/2009 12:05:00 AM

Hi there- just stumbled across your profile, and it stopped me in my tracks….awesome profile, and your pics are makin it hard for me to concentrate:)…I wish my secretary looked like you.

From: *******
Subject: RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 7:04:31 PM

You seem interesting but you look eerily similar to my ex-boyfriend. Would you be willing to change your appearance if we were to date?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 8:05:00 AM

haa…no worries my appearance is always changing. if we were dating and a certain look was too eerie, then yeah, i’d switch it up. though maybe eventually, you’d see i was so unlike your ex that even when i looked like him it wouldnt make u think of him.

which pic does he resemble? where are u from originally?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 8:14:40 PM

Seattle.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/23/2009 11:52:51 PM

how long u been in sf? actually i have lots of questions i want to ask you…

…maybe it would be easier if we met up for a drink…

interested?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:10:20 AM

oh no…where did you go? Did I request to meet up too soon? Do you still feel I look too much like your ex?

you cant go by pictures…theyre only 2 dimensions

I don’t know..for some reason when I read your profile, I get a sense of comfort and connection…its hard to explain…It be cool to keep talking to see where it goes.

If I’m annoying you at this point just say so and I’ll go away.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 6:09:49 PM

Truthfully, yes… your resemblance to my ex is quite bothersome. I’ve had more then a few sleepless nights struggling over whether we should date or not. The good news is, I think I’ve come up with a solution.

If you can shave your head, your beard, lose 60 pounds in the next 60 days, tan regularly (4-6 times a week), and speak with a Indian accent… I think that will completely remove any thought of my ex… and I can start this relationship fresh… with a clean mental slate.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 11:10:20 PM

wow that’s asking a lot, i can shave and tan but i think i would sound pretty silly with a Indian accent, and there is now I can lose that much weight that fast.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:30:40 AM

Oooo… that’s gonna make it tough… I really need all 5 things to make this work.

Losing 60 pounds in 60 days can sound intimidating… I know. I used to have an extra 150 pounds on this frame… until 2 years ago… on a trip to Tanzania… I meet a very sweet street vendor named Henry, who sold me tapeworms. Since then… my life has never been the same. I lost 150 pounds in 3 months.

Although I’ll admit, there is 1 drawback… getting them out can be a little tricky. First, you’ll need to enlist the help of a close friend or family member. Second, you’ll need some fresh milk and cookies, and a hammer. Next, you’ll need to put the cookies and milk next to your bare hind end for 1 hour (give or take a few minutes). Your helper will need to keep a close eye on your bare end during this time with a hammer in hand for when the tapeworm emerges. Once the tapeworm makes a move for the milk and cookies… it’s imperative your helper smash it to death!

I have 1 tapeworm left that I’d be more then happy to give to you when we go out… speaking of which, when are we going out? I’m not very picky… I’m sure any bar or restaurant you choose will be fine :)

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 3:27:36 PM

no offense but that sounds a bit crazy. i’m glad it worked for you but I don’t think it’s right for me.

how about dinner next saturday?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 7:14:25 PM

No tapeworm no date.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:02:20 PM

i think I’m been very accommodating to your other requests and that if went out you would see I’m nothing like your ex.

i hope you would reconsider, here is my phone number, xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:14:40 PM

Ok, I’ve reconsidered, let’s go out… but before we do it’s a must you shave your head and beard… and while your at it… your chest, legs, armpits… and man yard.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/25/2009 8:02:20 PM

i’ll shave tonight :)

how does dinner saturday sound?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 5:34:12 PM

haven’t heard from you in a few days, are we on for saturday? give me a call xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 8:45:36 PM

Hi… sorry, it’s been a busy this week, have you shaved yet?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 9:10:56 PM

yup shaved clean :)

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:digital connection
Sent Date: 10/28/2009 10:19:38 PM

Oh geez… I’m really sorry but my ex and I worked things out last night. He apologized for cheating on me, stealing from me, lying about the disease he gave me and the number of kids he has, so I decided to give him a second chance. Best of luck!

Could you do me a favor?

From: ********
Subject: hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 11:01:09 AM

hey there darlin I’m Peter, you sound really fun and down to earth… want to chat at all?

From: *******
Subject: RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 12:27:09 PM

Let’s just cut to the chase… why don’t you come over tonight and we can get to know each other.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:01:09 PM

sounds good to me! where do you live?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:12:34 PM

xxxx xxxxxxxx xxxx Los Angeles, CA xxxxx. Room 512

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:25:27 PM

room? is it an apartment?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:32:14 PM

No, it’s a hospital.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:34:52 PM

lol you want me to come see in the hospital?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:40:56 PM

Yup. It’s top rated. They give excellent care.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:41:12 PM

you seriously want me to come meet you in a hospital? why are you in the hospital?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:42:36 PM

YES… how many times do I have to say it.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:49:57 PM

ok I guess. what time?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 1:59:36 PM

The nurse gives me my last round of meds around 6… so anytime after that works fine. But before you come by, could you do me a favor… I need someone to feed my cat. I’ve been in the hospital for nearly a week and only left enough food out to last 3 days. It will be quick and easy, my apartment is 5 mins from the hospital and there is a spare key under the welcome mat. Just find your way into the kitchen and on the counter you’ll see a notebook titled “Raymond’s Recipes”. Anything out of there will be fine… but FYI… I’d recommend making the barbecued halibut with chile watermelon salsa, it’s his favorite.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:05:23 PM

I don’t think I can do that.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:07:42 PM

Oh come on. If you’re worried about having to buy ingredients, don’t… everything you need is there.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:12:56 PM

I don’t even know you and you want me to go to your house and make some gourmet meal for your cat. It’s a little weird.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:13:14 PM

Please.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:22:32 PM

can’t you get someone else. why don’t you call me when you get out of the hospital, xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:34:37 PM

Please.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:57:50 PM

I can’t. I can come visit you but I don’t feel comfortable feeding your cat.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 2:58:02 PM

why are you in the hospital?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:04:37 PM

I got into a little fight with my now ex-husband over who should get the cat. One thing lead to the other and next thing you know… I’m in the hospital with a broken collar bone, fractured wrist, 2 broken ribs, broken leg, broken knee cap, lost a toe, two fractured fingers, and a blown out eardrum.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:09:01 PM

wow, that’s intense. Sorry to hear that.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:27:49 PM

Ah… don’t feel to bad. I’ll heal… he’s the one with a bullet in his chest. I’d like to see him take the cat now LOL.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:29:34 PM

Ok, let’s just let the cat be for another night… but if he dies, so help you God Peter, if he dies… that cats blood will be on your shoulders… and mark my words… there will be justice… what is made wrong, will be made right…. and if it’s the last thing I do… I will avenge Raymond’s death.

Now what time should I expect to see you tonight Peter?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hi
Sent Date: 10/24/2009 3:54:09 PM

Peter?

I give up

From: ********
Subject: Hey.
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 9:01:09 PM

How was your day? My name is Reggie just moved down to train for the upcoming olympics.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 9:27:09 PM

The Olympics wow! What a coincidence… I’m training for the Olympics too… well not the Olympics Olympics… the Special Olympics.

What’s your event?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 11:44:33 PM

That’s great to hear. I’ve ran the 400m and 800m but will be running the 800m. How about you?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 11:24:19 AM

15 meter walk and tennis ball toss.

I’m feeling pretty good about the 15 meter walk…. it’s the tennis ball toss that’s got me concerned… apparently there is some Chinese prodigy who can throw a tennis ball the length of a football field. I haven’t seen video to confirm this… but with all the talk in the Special Olympics community… I have to assume it’s true.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 12:20:23 AM

Be confident and train hard. You’ll do fine. How was your week?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 1:04:39 PM

I’ve had better… Thursday I got notice that I’m under investigation for steroid use.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 2:40:53 PM

I am sorry to hear that. I have been through it a lot so don’t worry about it you will be fine. Take care of yourself and make sure you keep drinking a lot of fluids. If they keep bothering about steroids tell them you are clean.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 3:25:07 PM

I wish it was that easy… but I’m not clean. I’ve been using for the last 6 months. It’s that Chinese girl… ever since I heard about her, I’ve been shooting up everyday… sometimes twice a day.

I’ve got to say… I’m not too concerned. I’ve been taking the best stuff on the market. Barry Bonds trainer told me there’s a 99.9% chance they won’t be able to find anything…. and worst case scenerio… if they do find something… my lawyer said that if I get a character witness… someone who will testiy under oath, that the steroids are for my disability and not to enhance performance… that they would let me compete. I know it’s early in our relationship… but will you testify in federal court that I’m not taking steroids for a competitive edge?

PS- Of course I don’t expect you to do this for nothing… I’m willing to split all my endorsement money with you 50/50.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 3:40:23 PM

That’s asking a lot. I don’t even know you. I don’t even know what your disability is. This is a little too much for me.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 3:42:39 PM

Well let’s take care of your concerns… let’s get together for dinner so we can start getting to know each other better…. and regarding my disability… I have an overbite.

Does dinner tomorrow night sound good?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 4:23:45 PM

Sure. Call me and we can figure out the details. xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 4:29:18 PM

I give up.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey.
Sent Date: 10/17/2009 4:34:15 PM

Give up, what do you mean.

A few questions

From: **********
Subject: Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/8/2009 11:11:55 PM

I really liked your profile. You seem to be a very energetic woman that knows what she wants. What I liked was that I get a sense that you are outgoing and at the same time down to earth. I find that incredibly awesome, and very appealing.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/9/2009 10:57:58 PM

Thank you for the message. You’re very charming.

Why don’t we start off with a few questions…

1. If you could buy any type of food what would you buy?
2. What color is your tooth brush?
3. If you could be any animal what would it be and why?
4. What is one of the things you would put on your “bucket” list?
5. Who is your favorite super hero and why?
6. Who do you admire the most?
7. What is your favorite summer activity?
8. If a movie was made of your life what genre would it be, who would play you?
9. If you could be any flavor of ice cream what ice cream flavor would you be and why?
10. Who is your favorite cartoon character and why?
11. If you could go any where in the world where would you go and why?
12. What is your dream job?
13. Are you a morning or a night person?
14. What is your favorite hobby?
15. What is one thing that annoys you the most?
16. What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten?
17. What is your favorite thing about someone in your family?
18. What is one of your weird quirks?
19. Describe your self in 3 words.
20. If you could trade lives with anyone for a day who would it be and why?
21. If you could talk in your sleep what would you say?
22. What is the first thing you do when you get up in the morning?
23. What is your favorite movie quote?
24. What is your favorite joke?
25. What would you do on Mars for fun?
26. If you could get yourself anything, what would you get?
27. Where is the worst place you could get stuck?
28. What would you do with your “15 minutes” of fame?
29. Where would you go if you where invisible?
30. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
31. What is the one thing you own you wish you didn’t?
32. Describe the perfect kiss in 3 words.
33. What is your biggest addiction?
34. Do you have a song that reminds you of a relationship if so what song?
35. How many books have you read so far this year?
36. When I dance, I look like…?
37. Who have you met that you wish you hadn’t?
38. If you were famous what would you be famous for?
39. What is the worst job you could have?
40. What is your favorite T.V. channel?
41. What is the thing your most afraid of?
42. If you could paint anything what would you paint?
43. What celebrity annoys you the most?
44. What is the most interesting thing you have in your purse/wallet?
45. What is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone?
46. If you could get a yacht what would you call it?
47. What is your life long dream?
48. If you could talk to the President what would you talk about?
49. Have you ever tried to do something you know you would be really bad at, what was it?
50. On a scale of 1 to 10 how “cool” are you?
51. What is the best advantage to being really tall?
52. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
53. What is the one thing you have always wanted to do?
54. What TV sitcom family would you be a member of?
55. What store do you shop at the most?
56. What new technology will transform the future?
57. What supply in your house is running low?
58. If you could be any nationality what would it be?
59. What is the most delightful word you can think of?
60. What is your least favorite beverage?
61. What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
62. If you were stranded on a tropical island what 2 things would you want with you?
63. What is the first thing you notice about someone when you first meet?
64. If you where running for office what would your campaign slogan be?
65. What was your favorite book growing up?
66. What city in America should not be included on a map, why?
67. What compliment does people give you the most?
68. What word would you add to the dictionary if you could, what would it mean?
69. What product would you refuse to promote?
70. What is your favorite pet’s name?
71. Use one word to describe your computer ability?
72. If your plane was about to crash, who would you want sitting next to you?
73. Which of the presidents was your favorite?
74. How long of a consecutive time have you spent in a car?
75. What is your favorite Halloween costume?
76. How can you tell if some one is a nerd?
77. If you could teach any grade or subject what would it be?
78. What fashion trend do you just not get?
79. If you where a wicked tyrant what country would you rule?
80. What is the lowest grade you have ever been given what class was it for?
81. If you could choose your nickname what would it be?
82. What is your best feature?
83. If you could swim in any liquid what would it be and why?
84. What is the song you hear most often?
85. What have you done that you are most proud of?
86. How many keys do you have on your key ring?
87. What is your favorite song?
88. How old where you when you had the worst hair cut ever what style was it?
89. What advice did you get that was the most rewarding?
90. If you could change one thing about your looks what would it be?
91. What is your least favorite type of music?
92. If you where a super hero what would your powers be?
93. What fortune would you want to get from a fortune cookie?
94. What is one food you wouldn’t want to give up?
95. If you won a million dollars what would you buy?
96. If you had access to a time machine where and when would you go?
97. If you could add a person to Mount Rushmore who would it be, why?
98. If you could win any award what would it be, why?
99. If you could teleport where would you go, why?
100. What was your favorite cartoon growing up?

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/9/2009 11:11:55 PM

Wow, you have to be kidding me? Did you seriously just type up these questions or are they pre-typed? I am not sure how much time I have to sit here and answer these questions in detail. I will compromise with you and answer a few.

1. Too many to select from
2. Green
3. A reptile of some kind
4. To climb the Swiss Alps
5. Superman
6. My mother and coworkers
7. Too many to select from
8. An inspirational film; the main role
9. Rocky Road
10. I have several
11. I have traveled all over the world, but would like to go to Greece
12. I have a job I enjoy and consider myself lucky to be in
13. A bit of both
14. I have many
15. Women who play games and not just actually call and get to know a person in reality
16. Octopus
17. Their compassion and good heart
18. I have several interesting quirks
19. Romantic, loving, genuine
20. I like ME
21. Probably something sensual
22. Think of you actually calling me
23. Refer to my profile.
24. I have a few
25. I would try to figure out if women really are from Venus and men from Mars
26. You actually here talking to me in-person

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/9/2009 11:21:31 PM

27 -100?

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/9/2009 11:54:07 PM

29. I would find out your favorite flowers then go to a flower shop and bring them to you.
32. passionate, gentle and warm
33. gummy bears
34. Annie’s Song by John Denver
35. Over 20
36. Depends on the dance
38. Inventing a cure for a disease
41. Women not following through
46. The Lady
47. To be comfortable with my finances, to have a nice home, a good wife and build a family
48. Healthcare and unemployment solutions
50. 15
51. Being able to reach things on high shelves and being a comfort to the person I am dating
52. 30 minutes

There, a few more now I am off to bed.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/10/2009 6:02:16 PM

53-100?

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/10/2009 8:54:07 PM

53. Too many activities in my life I still want to accomplish. One of which is meeting and seeing you
54. Not really sure, maybe The Simpsons
55. I purchase a lot of items from Target
56. Hybrid vehicles I hope
57. Toilet paper
58. I am pretty excited to be a Cuban-German
59. Romance
60. Not sure I have one as I like just about all beverages
61. A nice looking pair of legs
62. This is a tough one, but definitely my girlfriend/fiancé/wife (the woman I would be dating) and my Elvis CDs complete with portable stereo and unlimited battery life.
63. Eye contact
64. “Protect your country. Kill them with Kindness.”
65. The Complete Tales and Adventures of Winnie the Pooh
66. Carbondale, IL. A very green and naturally scenic, but provincial town
67. My hazel eyes, my intelligence and kind-heart
68. Unsure, next question
69. Any product the aids to the destruction of the natural environment
70. Munchkin
71. Superior
72. I would prefer I was the only passenger as to not harm others
73. Theodore Roosevelt
74. 12 hours
75. I am more interested in the costumes the females wear. Some of which are indeed alluring
76. Hey, are you talking about me?
77. I already teach the subject and grade I think I was intended to
78. Pocket protectors
79. The Land of Oz and I would not be a Wicked tyrant, but a good witch
80. A “D” for several math classes
81. My nickname is “Sherlock”
82. My eyes
83. Pina Colada mix or Riesling wine for obvious reasons
84. I listen to a lot of Elvis tunes
85. My degrees
86. 6 keys. My classroom, my apartment, my mailbox key, my cabinet locks in my classroom, my parents house key and my airplane key
87. Annie’s Song by John Denver
88. Probably in the military during basic training as I had no hair
89. Do good to others and it will eventually be returned
90. My nose and perhaps, my overall muscle build
91. Hardcore thrasher music
92. I am partial to flying, I would like x-ray vision for obvious reasons (hehehe!), perhaps super strength and the ability to heal the injured by touch
93. You will find true love around the corner oh and also, win the lottery
94. Licorice and gummy bears
95. I would pay off my debt, give money to charity, buy my girl whatever she likes, help out my folks and probably finally fix the damn lock on my truck
96. I would probably go back to Medieval times to be with my fellow knights who are as chivalrous as me and do not have to deal with women being so scared of a guy who is actually this way
97. Elvis Presley. After all, he was/is the King of Rock and Roll
98. A Nobel Peace prize for inventing a cure for some disease that kills thousands a year
99. At the moment, Hawaii. I need a break
100. I always liked The Jetsons, The Simpsons, Disney programs, Thundercats, Pinky and the Brain, and G.I. Joe.

Ok, so I answered your questions. Let’s talk, no more e-mails. Call me. xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/11/2009 10:02:16 PM

Ok so far so good. Just another 40 more and we’ll move on to the essay part.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 7, line 4. What does it say?
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
7. Which came first the chicken or the egg?
8. Are you a morning person or a night owl?
9. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?
10. How many rings before you answer the phone?
11. Who made the last incoming call on your phone?
12. What is the last thing you downloaded onto your computer?
13. Last time you swam in a pool?
14. Type of music you like most?
15. Type of music you dislike most?
16. Are you listening to music right now?
17. What color is your bedroom carpet?
18. What was the last thing you bought?
20. Would you go bungee jumping or sky diving?
21. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?
22. Who sent the last text message you received?
23. What time is bed time?
24. Have you ever been in a beauty pageant?
25. What did you do for your last birthday?
26. Do you carry a donor card?
27. Who was the last person you ate dinner with?
28. Is the glass half empty or half full?
29. When’s the last time you ate a homegrown tomato?
30. Do you know how to pump your own gas?
31. What’s under your bed?
33. What time do you get up?
34. What was the name of your first pet?
35. Who is the second to last person to call you?
36. How are you feeling right now?
37. What time do you get up in the morning?
38. Do you sing in the shower?
40. What is your favorite time of the day?

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/11/2009 11:54:07 PM

I’m done answering questions. If you want to talk, call me. xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/12/2009 10:27:16 PM

1-40?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/13/2009 5:15:46 PM

1-40 now!

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/14/2009 11:56:27 PM

1-40 please?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 8:12:34 PM

1-40 and I’ll send you a topless shot?

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 8:41:09 PM

1. no book near me
2. Nothing
3. News
4. 7
5. 7:15
6. TV
7. Chicken
8. Night Owl
9. Yes
10. 2
11. Brad
12. Music
13. 2 weeks ago
14. I like a lot of music
15. Hard Rock, Rap, Country
16. No
17. Grey
18. Groceries
20. No
21. Not sure
22. Don’t remember
23. 11 or 12.
24. Once
25. Went Skiing
26. No
27. Brad and Frank
28. Half full
29. Can’t remember
30. Yes
31. Nothing
33. 630
34. Drake
35. Rob
36. Tire
37. 630
38. Not very often
40. 5pm

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 9:12:34 PM

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hey you!
Sent Date: 10/15/2009 9:41:09 PM

wtf?

Damn it Steve

From: *******
Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 10/4/2009 8:25:14 PM

Hi Steve (I trust your name is Steve hehe). I’m Rachel. Would you be interested in getting a drink or something sometime?

From: ********
Subject: RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 4:43:37 AM

yes my name is steve, yea rachel i would love to have a drink with you.. what are you doing this weekend?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 6:37:32 PM

This weekend might work but let’s play it by ear for now… so what do you do for fun? What kind of work do you do? You from the area?

From: ********
Subject: smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 6:39:56 PM

i play poker with my boyz (buddies) for fun,i work at xxxxxxxx in xxxxxxx, that is where i live.. do you have i m on yahoo?

From: *******
Subject: RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 7:15:16 PM

Gambler huh? I used to be hooked myself. How long have you had an addiction?

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 7:18:43 PM

just dibble dabble in it. just 4 fun. ive been playing a couple yrs. on and off. do you have inst. message on yahoo? if so hit me up, we could probably talk easier.. maybe give me a call xxxxxxxxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 7:23:19 PM

Have you considered getting help? I could refer you to a great gambling counselor. He’s one of the best. Charlie Sheen, Charles Barkley… all the stars go to him.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 7:27:04 PM

i dont have a problem

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 7:59:43 PM

“I dont have a problem” … less then 2 years ago I uttered those same words. I’m not going to let you slip through the cracks.

If I give you his email, do you promise to get a hold of him? Once I know your making an effort, we can talk about getting that drink.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 8:07:07 PM

give it to me, i promise i will

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:smile
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 8:53:49 PM

His name is James McCraig and his email is james.mccraig@gmail.com. I sent him a message and told him you were a friend and that you’d be reaching out to him.

From: ********
Subject: hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 9:00:59 PM

ok i emailed him just for YOU.. so when do you wanna get that drink?

-

HIS EMAIL TO “THE COUNSELOR”…

to james.mccraig@gmail.com
date Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 8:58 PM
subject poker

i was talkin with a friend and she thinks i have a problem playing poker.. i play maybe twice a month, do you think i have a problem?

MY EMAIL RESPONSE…

to xxxxxxx@yahoo.com
date Mon, Oct 5, 2009 at 9:30 PM
subject Re: poker

Based on the details she’s told me… your history of obsessive compulsive behavior, waking up in a middle of the night with cold sweats, a tendency toward taking out your aggression on small animals… I would have say yes. Although I can’t for certain without making a complete diagnosis.

Initially, I’ll probable prescribe you a mild sedative to help you cope. If we attack this thing hard, 3 hour sessions twice a week, we should start seeing some significant progress after about 3 months. My hourly rate is $750/hour, let me know how you’d like to proceed.

Best,
James
Gambling Counselor to the Stars

-

From: ********
Subject: RE:hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 9:45:59 PM

what did you tell the counselor, why did you lie to him?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 9:53:47 PM

Lie? I simply told him the truth. The truth that you’re to afraid to admit. Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes, I know the demons your fighting.

From: ********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 10:00:35 PM

i dont have a ****ing gambling problem alright

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 10:12:49 PM

Temper. Another classic sign of gambling addiction.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 10:23:31 PM

You’ve shown real effort tonight and I’m proud of you. So about this weekend… how does Saturday sound for that drink?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 10/5/2009 11:14:25 PM

Is that a no? Damn it Steve… I hope your not in the casino.

And I don’t want any hassle

From: *******
Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 9/30/2009 3:11:29 PM

You’re cute.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/30/2009 9:52:19 PM

awww :D we need to chat soon :D you’re really pretty! 3

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 7:04:33 PM

I’m not sure how to put this, so I’ll just be upfront about it. I want a baby… and I think your the man for the job. I want to be clear… I’m not looking for anything in return. As a matter of fact, I would want us to sever all ties after the “mission” is complete. So whether it takes 10 or 100 tries, can I count you in for this?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 7:16:50 PM

What about me made you want to message or/ ask me about this? Did you send this to any other people? Is this a scam?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 7:43:57 PM

No I haven’t messaged anyone else about this and no it’s not a scam. If it was a scam you’d know about it. Anyways, how about this… why don’t we just get to know each other and go from there, and sorry if I came on to strong.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 7:45:00 PM

haha that sounds great! it was a bit strong, but if you are emotionally/financially stable id love to help you bring a bundle of joy into the world. i’d love to get to know you :)

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 7:57:57 PM

Great :) There’s just a few questions I want to get out of the way…

1) How’s your vision? Healthy eyes? Do you wear glasses/contact?
2) Any allergies?
3) Medical conditions in your family? History of heart disease? High blood pressure?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 8:03:20 PM

20/20 vision, both my parent’s wear glasses, I don’t need them. No allergies… and no medical conditions really.. emphysema on my dad’s side of the family.. heart disease/high blood pressure I don’t believe so..

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 8:51:53 PM

Ok, and…

1) High school GPA? (approximate is fine)
2) Have you had all your shots? (tetanus, polio, rubella, hepatitis B, etc.)
3) Do you have a yearly physical? Name of doctor?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 9:01:57 PM

3.75, yes, I haven’t had a physical in a year or two.. Dr. Barr I think, it was my mom’s doctor..

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 9:08:16 PM

Dr. Barr huh? What’s his number? I may need to verify this… or maybe since it was your mom’s doctor it would be better for you to give me her number.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 9:14:23 PM

I’m sorry this is all just a little fast you know.. I don’t even really know what your intentions are- we need to chat or something.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 9:27:57 PM

HEY!… I am not interested in playing games… now… give… me… Dr. Barr’s… or… your… mom’s… phone… number!

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 9:32:53 PM

http://www.pph.org/default.aspx?nd=476 that is the facility where his office is. I don’t feel comfortable giving you my mom’s number under the circumstances.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 10/1/2009 9:39:57 PM

Ok, that’ll be fine for now. I’m off to bed now but tomorrow I’m going to need your mom’s phone number… and I don’t want any hassle. With a child at stake I need to make sure your story checks out.

Just a few boxes

From: *********
Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 9/23/2009 10:55:02 AM

Hey im Kevin, So what are you all about? Let me in on a few secrets :) Hows life in the city? I go there quite abit but never lived there.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/24/2009 7:29:53 PM

I’m pretty good. Just busy running my business. Sometimes I feel like I do nothing but work.

From: *********
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/24/2009 10:48:44 PM

Thats cool :)…. Better to be busy than have lots of idle time on your hands, But we all need a break from the everyday get up :)

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/25/2009 7:39:30 PM

Ya that’s true… Man, I had a close call today. I was at the mall trying on clothes when I forgot my tools to cut the tags off. I thought oh well, I’ll just walk out the door real quick. Well, a security guard starting chasing me. Luckily the guy was slow and I got away. Hope he’s not working tomorrow I still need a few more shirts LOL.

From: *********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/25/2009 11:12:32 PM

Wow thats pretty crazy. Glad your okay and not in trouble :)

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/26/2009 5:39:30 PM

Do you have any extra room at your place?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 7:15:24 PM

Extra room? What do you mean?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 7:42:37 PM

I need someplace to store some inventory… it’s just a few boxes. With the way the economy is… I haven’t been able to turn over merchandise on my eBay store as quick as in the past.

From: *********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 9:41:12 PM

Sorry I dont have any extra space.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 9:59:22 PM

Really? The boxes aren’t that big and you can just stack them on top of each other. I’m sure we can work something out. Why don’t I come over and we can both brainstorm on how to rearrange your furniture to make room.

Sound good? :)

From: *********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 10:15:47 PM

Im not rearranging anything.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 11:31:56 PM

Well… If you don’t want to rearrange anything… why don’t you pick a piece of furniture you like least and we’ll put it for sale on eBay. That way you won’t have to rearrange anything and we can fit the boxes… we can even use my eBay account. I have a 97% feedback rating.

From: *********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 10:15:47 PM

Are you insane im not selling any furniture. Look, Do you want to meet up or not?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 9/27/2009 11:31:56 PM

I’m not sure. You seem like a nice man but I’m on here for one reason and that’s to find someone with a particular skill set, so unless you have 2-3 years of experience shipping narcotics through the postal system… we’re going to have to go our seperate ways.

I’ll let you go

From: ******
Subject: Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 1:25:17 PM

Hello, my name is Joey. I was reading your profile and would like to get to know more about you. A little about me…I am 27, born and raised in the bay area. Like I said, I would like to get to know more about you, so get back to me and lets chat. Thanks

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 3:27:44 PM

Hey Joey, how’s it going? I’m not going to beat around the bush. I’m looking for someone who can give me a golden shower. Can you deliver?

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 3:54:17 PM

Girl I can deliver whatever you want. What’s you number? Let’s talk.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 4:32:15 PM

Woohoo! Two other guys are interested too!

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 4:45:23 PM

Interested in what?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 5:16:27 PM

In joining. It will be you, this guy Rick and this guy Tony, so I guess it will be more like golden fountains then a golden shower LOL.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 5:41:37 PM

**** that. I’m not into this. If you want to hang out one on one call me. xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 5:58:47 PM

Oh come on. It will be fun. Why don’t I have Tony call you.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 6:15:07 PM

**** no I don’t want some guy calling me.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 6:24:12 PM

Ok Rick then, he’s more sensitive. He makes you feel like your talking to a women.

What time should I tell him to call you? Your number’s xxx-xxx-xxxx right?

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 6:36:23 PM

Are you not ****ing hearing me. I don’t want anyone calling me.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 6:58:42 PM

I’m sorry but he already has your number. He said he’ll call around 8. At this point, I would recommend calling your cell phone provider and having your number changed if you really want to avoid his call.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 7:05:27 PM

**** you bitch.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hello
Sent Date: 9/22/2009 7:57:34 PM

That’s no way to talk to a lady. Anyways, I’ll let you go… I know you’re expecting a call.

Poetry

From: *******
Subject: Hey
Sent Date: 9/12/2009 2:28:47 PM

Hey… that picture of you in your living room without a shirt is pretty sexy.

From: ******
Subject: RE:Hey
Sent Date: 9/12/2009 3:45:07 PM

Look, smile, lick, kiss

Tongue, lips, biting, touching

Touching, rubbing, fondling, craving

Unbutton, Unbutton, Unbutton, caress

Unbutton, drop, lick, lick, suck, touch

Breast, nipple,**** ****

Touch, nibble, moan, breathe, heat

Unclasp, pull off, drop, grab, rub, rub

Flick, circle, arch, moan, heat, fondle

Unbutton, unzip, drop, grab, squeeze

Cock, shaft, moist, ****

Kiss, tongue, suck, breasts, moan, throb

Unbutton, unzip, drop, rub, rub, heat

Moist, hot, breast, breast, suck, press

Remove, touch, rub, fingers, insert, hot

Wet, ****, fingers, inside, moist

Up, down, up, down, harder, harder, harder

Wet, dripping, throbbing, touching

Head, rubbing, entering, craving

Half way, pulsating, warm, so good

Breasts, sucking, squeezing, licking

Ass, smacked, held, deeper, deeper, deeper

Up, down, up, down, harder, deeper, harder

Tingling, toes to legs to ****…cumming

Deeper, deeper, drenched, breast, biting

Reverse, ass, squeezing, smacking, g-spot

Rubbing, entering, breasts, touching

Penis, orgasim, cum, ****, deep

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Hey
Sent Date: 9/12/2009 4:28:47 PM

you, trunk, me, driving

driving, driving, driving, driving

desert, flat, dry, hot

no, people, no, crime

you, trunk, tied, hands

me, park, get, shovel

dig, dig, dig, dig

load, gun, full, clip

you, hole, me, ready

gun, shot, shot, shot

me, smile, smile, smile

shovel, dirt, back, back

me, drive, home, home

Is that an issue?

From: *******
Subject: Hi!
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 4:13:39 PM

Hey! Whats up! I have never really done this before so I really dont know what to say! So what makes you different from all the others?

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hi!
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 4:19:58 PM

I have a prosthetic leg.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Hi!
Sent Date: 9/10/2009 1:20:50 PM

Well thats ok. Are you from LA?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi!
Sent Date: 9/10/2009 4:22:05 PM

I also have a glass eye. Is that an issue?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi!
Sent Date: 9/11/2009 7:04:07 PM

I don’t think it’s an issue. I honestly can’t even tell in your picture.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi!
Sent Date: 9/11/2009 10:33:22 PM

I also have overactive sweat glands. I sweat more then a pregnant nun at confession. Just going from the couch to the kitchen makes me soaked. Since I sweat so much. I have to drink a ton of water to stay hydrated. Usually 2-3 gallons a day. If I drink any less, I’ll faint and that’s not fun. Last time I fainted I was driving my car and ended up plowing through a pre-school playground during recess. Fortunately no kids died, and only half a dozen or so had to be taken to the hospital for broken bones.

Anyways, is that an issue?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi!
Sent Date: 9/11/2009 11:00:47 PM

Well I guess everyone needs to sweat right. So what’s your favorite tv show?

The Sketch

From: ******
Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 7:44:53 AM

How are you? I liked your profile and pictures. You seem very attractive and fun. I would be interested in getting to know you :) I’m a big animal lover. Enjoy camping, hiking and playing sports.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 2:16:19 PM

You seem like a sweet guy but I’m not sure we’re a good match.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/30/2009 7:44:53 AM

Why do you say that?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/30/2009 3:22:15 PM

Well, I’m hesitant to say but truth be told I met with my psychic today and she had some interesting and revealing information. She said a bearded man would come into my life… quite possibly of middle eastern descent, though she could not confirm nor deny that. She said he would seem nice, fun, and harmless… but he would bring me terrifying nightmares through his manipulation of my mind. She then sketched an image and well… don’t you notice a resemblance?

Drawing I sent him          His profile picture

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/30/2009 5:23:12 PM

This is crazy. I’m not trying to manipulate your mind. Who’s your psychic?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/30/2009 7:19:16 PM

If I told you, I fear I would put her life in jeopardy. I couldn’t live with myself knowing her blood was on my shoulders. Please don’t kill me or my psychic. Please… whatever voodoo your into. Please spare me.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/30/2009 7:23:24 PM

Are you kidding me. Is this some joke?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/30/2009 7:26:15 PM

Yes this is a joke. This isn’t real. We never spoke.

It’s all good

From: ************
Subject: whats up beautiful
Sent Date: 9/8/2009 8:40:42 PM

Your beautiful.

From: *******
Subject: RE:whats up beautiful
Sent Date: 9/8/2009 11:06:17 PM

thank you

From: ************
Subject: RE:RE:whats up beautiful
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 7:01:05 PM

We should talk. Call me. xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: **** You
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 8:43:45 PM

You ****ing ***hole! I hope you die. I hope someone cuts your balls off, feeds them to you, and you choke to death. You make me sick. You think I’m afraid of going back to jail? HA! That brick through your window is just the beginning.

From: *******
Subject: RE:**** You
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 8:44:41 PM

Whoops sorry… meant to send that to someone else.

I’d love to talk! I’ll call you this weekend. Saturday or Sunday work best?

From: ************
Subject: RE:RE:**** You
Sent Date: 9/10/2009 12:33:36 AM

Should I even ask what’s about. No it’s all good. Call me sunday.

Do you want her number?

From: ************
Subject: How are you these days?
Sent Date: 9/8/2009 10:40:16 PM

How are you these days? Well I hope. I do understand your hesitation about a person’s intentions on this site, which is perhaps why you have not written back to me. I am very sincere, very genuine; I am very much interested in getting to know you. I get excited when talking to a woman of seemingly substance as they are difficult to find. I do hope you write back and I assure you, I am the “real deal.”

From: *******
Subject: RE:How are you these days?
Sent Date: 9/8/2009 10:59:41 PM

Thanks for the message. I appreciate your 5 follow up emails since I last wrote you. Persistence is a strong quality that I see your not short on. It’s been a world wind of a week. I was recruited to San Francisco to be a fortune cookie writer. No more working part-time as a hooters hostess. Although if you visit the Hooters in Burbank ask for Bridgett, tell them you know Tiffany Fake and they’ll give the royal treatment. Regarding our budding relationship… I’m willing to give this a shot long distance if you are?

From: ************
Subject: RE:RE:How are you these days?
Sent Date: 9/8/2009 11:26:29 PM

Thanks for the reply. Congratulations on your promotion and yes, I am a person who believes in the power of persistence if interested in getting to know a woman who seems legit and so captivates my attention (yes, I am referring to you). It is a shame you are in San Francisco. I do wish you would have remained in Burbank so we could be closer together. In any case, as for a long distance relationship, well I do like you and I am interested in you. I am sure we can figure something out in terms of seeing each other. Maybe, alternate weekends or something? Anyway, call me. I am up now.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:How are you these days?
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 6:43:53 PM

The next couple days are really busy for me but I will call this weekend. One question… if we are going to go down this path of courtship, I need to know one thing and I want you to be honest with me. Have you pleasured yourself while looking at my picture… and if so how many times? Be honest.

From: ************
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:How are you these days?
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 10:10:24 PM

I am an honest man and yes, your pictures do excite me. I am more excited however, by who you seem to be within. This is what attracts me the most. Nonetheless, yes again your pictures do excite me and I have pleasured myself several times in hopes we can eventually meet, but I am not just after sex; I am after much more in a relationship. Anyway, call me.

xxx-xxx-xxxx

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:How are you these days?
Sent Date: 9/9/2009 11:03:37 PM

I’m sorry… this has to end. Your last message is quite disturbing. I pretty much threw up when I read it. Your previous messages made me think you were a sweat wholesome young man… with strong moral fibers. Turns out your mentally ill. You need professional help… but I believe with the proper treatment… you can beat this. I know an excellent psychologist in LA that specializes in helping sexually deviant degenerates like yourself. She’s seen a lot of sick twisted freaks. She only deals with the worst scum.

Do you want her number?

Are you for real

From: *******
Subject: Are you for real?
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 7:11:03 PM

Your profile is very well written. You are obviously very beautiful and smart. Which virtually precludes you from having any interest in me. Yet, still I will try to win your affection through my astounding wit and poor writing.

I have ‘farm boy strength’ from summers on my grandparent’s farm. I could easily lift you over my head. I am gentle and kindhearted. I can fix most everything. My ass looks nice in some jeans and out of jeans as well. I’m complemented most of all on my eyes. I would try very hard to make you laugh. I am very attentive to things that interest me and you are interesting indeed.

That’s about the best I can do.

From: *******
Subject: RE:Are you for real?
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 7:55:47 PM

Thanks for the message :) Here’s a silly question… every girl like/wants to be swept of
her feet… what would you do to sweep me off my feet?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Are you for real?
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 8:22:12 PM

Besides the literal lifting you off the ground with a hug? It really would depend on you and what I thought you would like best. When I do things that ignite my interest I tend to go all out. If you wanted a homemade dinner I would cook you your favorite meal. If wine was your passion I would take you on a wine tasting tour through wineries. If you liked a stroll at sunset or even take a car ride to your favorite park to feed the ducks that’s what I would do.

But you still haven’t answered my first question. Are you for real?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Are you for real?
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 8:34:56 PM

Am I for real? I’ve never been asked that question. Well to be honest, yes and no. I’m not actually the girl you see in the profile. That’s a friend of mine. I’m a 28 year old guy who created a profile of her to see what guys are willing to say or do… or flaws they might look past… to go out with a hot chick.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Are you for real?
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 8:59:31 PM

You are real! Sweet. I love a girl with humor :) Sometimes people make fake profiles to fish for emails. Usually if girls are to pretty or to good to be true they are not real, but you are. I just like to check before I invest to much time into something that is just a fantasy girl. Not a fantastic girl.

If you want to talk or text here is my number. xxxxxxxxxx

Maybe if I thought of something witty I could put it here. Nope.

How about some ice cream?

From: *******
Subject: hello
Sent Date: 8/20/2009 11:03:54 AM

how bout dinner/drinks maybe? where do u stay… hope to chat with ya soon…

From: *******
Subject: RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/21/2009 10:33:07 AM

Sure, how about dinner sometime next week?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/21/2009 3:39:50 PM

yes, that would be awesome…how’s wednesday sound? i am excited to meet up with you, i’m also nervous… give me a call and we’ll set up a time and place to have dinner..:) here’s my # xxxxxxxxxx

have a super day cutie….

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 3:10:23 PM

I’ve got to be honest I’m pretty nervous too… would you mind if i bought by dad?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 3:28:43 PM

you mean bring your dad along?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 3:42:17 PM

Yes I mean bring my dad along. He is very sweet and I think you’ll like him. He worked as the fight coordinator on the last Rambo movie, he comes off as a little gruff but he’s a fluffy teddy bear at heart. He usually accompanies me on all my first dates just to make sure everything is above board. If he’s not there I usually get a little out of hand! LOL.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 3:46:18 PM

sure, i guess, where do you wanna go? what time?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 4:32:57 PM

Oh I’m not picky why don’t you choose. Although I do have a few allergies, I can’t eat any wheat products, red meat makes me brake out in a rash, corn makes my face swell up, chicken is fine as long as its not cooked in any sauces, and vegetables are great but no potatoes, you don’t wasn’t to see me when I eat potatoes LOL. Talk to ya tonight!

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hello
Sent Date: 8/24/2009 4:41:53 PM

wow, that makes it hard, how bout some ice cream?

I like comedies

From: **********
Subject: hey there
Sent Date: 8/28/2009 3:51:29 PM

I’m definitely attracted to you physically and want to know if we can get a chance to see if we click. And if not, that’s ok too.

From: *******
Subject: RE:hey there
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 3:14:17 PM

Sometimes I like to pee my pants a little bit when I get nervous, do you? If not that’s ok too.

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:hey there
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 4:27:06 PM

No, what part of LA do you live in?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:hey there
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 6:14:17 PM

I like to tell people I have cancer so they’ll feel sorry for me, do you? If not that’s ok too.

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:hey there
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 6:27:06 PM

No, where did you move from?

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hey there
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 9:14:17 PM

I like to watch movies where people get murdered, so I can pretend to be the killer, do you? If not that’s ok too.

From: **********
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:hey there
Sent Date: 8/29/2009 9:27:06 PM

No I like comedies, maybe it would be better if we talked on the phone. Can I call you?

Do you have a bad temper

From: *******
Subject: Hi
Sent Date: 8/25/2009 4:34:50 PM

I see you’re into the herb… what’s a girl got to do to smoke with you? :)

From: ******
Subject: RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/25/2009 6:59:51 PM

idk what u down 2 do…..

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/25/2009 11:46:33 PM

For some good weed… just about anything :)

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/25/2009 11:52:26 PM

o ya…..well how about we get stoned n have a lil fun….

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/26/2009 11:45:20 AM

Sounds good but I must warn you… I have a tendency to black out when I smoke. The last time I smoked, I woke up butt naked in a field with a broken arm, surrounded by 4 dead fawns. From what i’ve pieced together, I must have wandered into an open meadow and was attacked by the deer… who were simply protecting their nest.

They weren’t counting on my wilderness survival skills, which I thankfully acquired from years of watching animal planet.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/26/2009 11:51:13 AM

hahah wtf……damm i dont want u 2 black out n hurt me….
where do u stay at

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/26/2009 4:55:32 PM

Ha. I can’t make any promises! My family has a history of violence. I want to get this out in the open in case our relationship goes anywhere. When I was 12 years old my mother killed my father after they got into a heated debate over the name of the actor that played Mr. Belvedere in the hit 1980s series, Mr. Belvedere. She bludgeoned him to death with a toaster, right in front of me. After they took my mom to jail I was raised by my aunts. Needless to say, I’m very uncomfortable watching 80’s sitcoms, or participating in any type of trivia, for fear I’ll rage into a violent flashback.

From: ******
Subject: RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:RE:Hi
Sent Date: 8/26/2009 11:09:16 PM

damm that is the craziest sh*t ive ever heard…..

do u have a bad temper…..

Strict German Father

From: *******
Subject: Hi….
Sent Date: 8/25/2009 1:11:16 PM

You have a few curse words in your profile. Would you be able to keep from swearing if we went out?

From: *****
Subject: RE:Hi….
Sent Date: 8/26/2009 12:31:58 AM

how big of a deal is it to you?

I curse like a sailor, but i can still speak articulately. I just feel that sometimes to accurately express my sentiments words like “F*CK, SH*t, B*TCH, motherf*cker” are needed. I’m a passionate person who uses profanity on occasion to make a point. Plus the word “f*ck” is derivative of German dialect, hence the hard consonants which help in release a sound of vocal tension that few other words can rival. But yeah I can be formal around you. You wouldn’t be seeing the real me.

From: *******
Subject: RE:RE:Hi….
Sent Date: 8/26/2009 2:16:59 PM

It all stems from my strict childhood. Growing up my friends joked that I was living under a Nazi regime. The fact that dad made us kids call him Fuhrer didn’t help. Now that I’m on my own I guess his principles are still ingrained in me. Usually when I swear, I feel so guilty I take some laundry detergent or dish soap… whatever I have around and I wash my mouth out.

Relationships are about compromise and I want to get to know the real you… how about we make a deal… you can swear as much as you like as long as at the end of each date I can wash your mouth out?

From: *****
Subject: RE:RE:RE:Hi….
Sent Date: 8/27/2009 8:58:38 PM

Are you joking? is this a joke? Your strict German father has psychologically and possibly physically damaged you through his antiquated way of discipline.